Are You a People-Pleaser?
Making me comfortable and happy seems like a good thing to do but if that is what you do all the time then it is a destructive and nasty habit. Yes, because people who engage in the habit of people-pleasing not only hurt themselves, they hurt others by giving them a false idea about life and relationships that they will most likely not get anywhere else. In this way, they are doing a great disservice to those they claim to love because they are presenting them with false picture of life and themselves.
Anyone who is hooked on people-pleasing needs to get out of it fast before it does further damage to their lives, their relationships and their happiness. To be able to do this, we really have to get down into what people-pleasing is.
Here are 5 majors ways to know:
You are full of apologies
If you find that you use the phrase “I’m sorry” too often and for things that even you know you shouldn’t be apologizing for. You apologize when it’s not your fault, you apologize when you even understand why you should; you may think you’re keeping the peace and preventing a bad situation but you’re wrong.
Taking the blame and making apologies is a big characteristic of people-pleasers; sometimes they do because they have an over-bloated sense of responsibility and actually find a way to blame themselves when anything goes wrong.
You never say “no”
You may not do everything you’re asked to but if you would rather give in to inconvenient requests or dodge and lie to people just to get out of stuff instead of simply telling that you won’t be able to do it, you’re steeped in people-pleaser behaviour.
You deny yourself and forfeit your own comfort and needs just make others happy; this is a sign that you’re a pleaser who not in charge of his/her life.
You hardly do anything for yourself
It doesn’t matter if you have ten kids or if the whole world depends on you, if you don’t find time to take care of yourself or do anything for yourself, you’re probably a big people-pleaser.
You can’t even take much needed rest because someone somewhere “needs” you? You have lost yourself and your own desires to everybody’d demands. You are a people pleaser and you need to change.
You over-consult and over-analyse
Before you do or even say anything, you think about it over and over again wondering how all sorts of people will feel about it. That is a big sign of being a people-pleaser.
If you also find that you have a need to consult a lot of people about their opinions before you take a decision, you may be addicted to people-pleasing. While it’s good thing to seek counsel for some important decisions, if you are always asking people what they think or feel about decision that you could make yourself or that concern only you, you’re most likely a people-pleaser.
You keep relationships that are no good for you
If you surround your life with people who don’t regard you or people who consistently feel bad just because you don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, you’re a people-pleaser.
If you keep putting up with people you don’t like or people you don’t want to be with for a very long time and you keep pretending to them for no good reason, you’re a people-pleaser.
If you still keep in touch with former friends and exes that you would rather, not because they keep calling and you don’t want them to feel bad, you have lost yourself to people-pleasing. You need to take your life back.
You are hiding resentment
If you are doing at least one of the above-mentioned things and because of it you have anger and resentment that nobody knows about, you are pleasing everyone else apart from you.
If you are in deep or hidden pain, because of more than one of these thing, you’re definitely a people-pleaser who needs to change.
Source: New feed